The ground beneath my feet started sinking several years ago when I was asked if I ever taught art. I have a masters degree in education, but when I thought about teaching art, I panicked. My process of art-making was so far from the process I used as a teacher in a classroom.
I often had no idea why I painted how I painted; and much of the time, my painting results not reproducible.
I started to analyze, become aware, study and experiment. I wondered what if I layered medium upon medium? What if I mixed quinacridone red instead of cadmium red with cobalt blue or pthalo blue? What if I painted on raw canvas instead of primed canvas?
The secret of the masters was eluding me. I constantly questioning!
"I think therefore I am"....isn't THAT the truth? To think through a process, create a blue print, fine-tune steps to be taken in logical sequence, knowing exactly how to get from point A to point B and then to the preconceived, acceptable outcome?
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. " Hebrews 11:1
All along I was mistakenly thinking my search was to render the answer, when all along my search was the answer. It is in the experimentation and questions and awareness that hope and possibilities lie.
To trust myself as an artist means living within the question, not knowing the outcome but believing there are vast possibilities with each gesture.
The images of paintings you see here are different paintings. But they are all on the same canvas. I could've stopped at any point. I could've made different creative choices. And I could've continued my exploration. When we pressure ourselves for the one answer, the one right way, the finish, we miss all of the possibilities along the way. And where is the hope in that?
Soft as Petals, 36 x 36 inches.