First Breath, 2016. Acrylic on canvas, 12 x 12 inches.
The ground beneath my feet started sinking several years ago when I was asked if I ever taught art. I have a masters degree in education, but when I thought about teaching art, I panicked. My process of art-making was so far from the process I used as a teacher in a classroom. In creating my art I often had no idea why I did what I did; and much of the time, my painting results not reproducible.
I started to analyze, become aware, study and experiment. I wondered what if I layered medium upon medium? What if I mixed quinacridone red instead of cadmium red with cobalt blue or pthalo blue? What if I painted on raw canvas instead of primed canvas? But the answers of the masters were eluding me and I was always questioning!
"I think therefore I am"....isn't THAT the truth? To think through a process, create a blue print, fine-tune steps to be taken in logical sequence, knowing exactly how to get from point A to point B and then to the preconceived outcome?
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. " Hebrews 11:1
All along I was mistakenly thinking my search was to render an answer, when all along my search was the answer. It is in the experimentation and questions and awareness that my process lives. To trust myself as an artist means I must live within the question, not knowing the outcome but believing nonetheless, to assume a posture of faith. Painting is a metaphor for living, and believing each day is a new gift to be unwrapped.
If I am quiet and open to the "what ifs" it is amazing what the Creating Spirit speaks through art!